There are always new memes going around the internet but there has been one, in particular, a newspaper column in the US which basically claims that the problem with our society stems from too permissive/passive parenting techniques and the way we prioritise our kids.
Carly aka Grubby Mummy summarised my thoughts so well overnight that there is little point me reiterating the whole argument against it.
But I did want to reiterate that gentle or peaceful or attachment parenting (there are several names) is NOT permissive or passive. It is not letting your children do whatever they want, whenever they want. It’s about connecting with your child, about respect and it’s also personal. I don’t agree with every other gentle parent out there on every parenting issue.
I can appreciate that some parents get so frustrated with their children that they raise their voice. But yelling and hitting are behaviours we don’t wish to see in our children, so expecting them to not model it, based on our behaviour is, let’s face it, idiotic.
We have had one of the most difficult journey’s I have come across and over the nearly two year period, I have dismissed my feelings and downplayed how tough it has been. But at no point have I lost my temper with my child (or with my husband in front of my child). I’ve been angry, frustrated, so sleep deprived I’ve driven through red lights, but at the end of the day, I’ve done the only thing I can: I’ve stepped back, let go of everything that isn’t important and focused on what is important.
Empathising with my child, who experiences chronic pain, but also experiences wild emotions like other toddlers, is crucial. If I scream, yell, put him in timeout etc, we won’t build the relationship I am hoping to have when he is a teenager. Parenting in the early years is exhausting for anyone, but we choose to have children, and we must find the strength to manage our emotions and surrender to the chaos.