I need to let it go

After two long years of trying to “fix” Ripley’s sleep issues, I am going to give up. Even just writing that is tough. I’m not going to throw in the towel on motherhood but enough is enough. I care for him 24/7 and give more to him than I have to give. 

Yes, he has severe reflux, 7 food allergies and sensory processing issues, and they ALL affect his sleep. Yes, he is still a good baby. Yes I’d like more sleep, more time to myself, but there is literally nothing I haven’t tried. And no, I’m not trying sleep training. 

How much more can I do when my tank is completely empty? How much more can I change and what would be the benefit? I continue to believe that he needs love and attention above all else. He needs a calm and happy home environment. And that is all I have left to give.

Minimalism has taught me valuable lessons about my beliefs and values, about my history and upbringing and about the life choices I make every day. I know deep in my heart that all the worrying doesn’t help or change anything. The feeling of uncertainty is so hard to embrace, but logically I know I’ve done everything I can at this time to help him sleep.

Our patriarchal society tells me I have to be the perfect mother, but I can’t. It’s too hard. So I’m letting go of all the unrealistic expectations of society but more importantly I’m letting go of trying to solve the problem and I’m will just try to be Ripley’s mama. 

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